Film: Unfriended (2014)

Despite not being released at Halloween, here we have what might be the next franchise to fill in the gap left by Paranormal Activity and Saw, which is perhaps appropriate given that the story kind-of has a bit of both.  Less of a "found footage" horror but more a "live feed" teen slasher (and with the original title Cybernatural it could usher in a new subgenre), the cinematic experience resembling that of a big screen projection of someone's Mac - perhaps a theatrical live performance  - with our protagonist being the only occupier of the stage while all her co-stars Skype in their performances - might be a nifty idea.

Opening with what may or may not be an homage to The Exorcist (1973) - our protagonist "Blaire" mimics a demonic voice and has a crucifix on her wall - and soon developing into what comes across as the most inventive Saw sequel in years in which someone operating under the username Billie227 (recalling Jigsaw's puppet, Billy) informs our set of young people (with their own guilty secrets) that they want to play a game and - for at least some of it - leaves it to the characters to form their own destiny.  As well as possible supernatural occurrences, household appliances get put to particularly nasty usage.  Jigsaw operating from beyond the grave via Skype would be a fun idea but in this instance, the apparent troll may or may not be the ghost of Laura Barns, whose suicide the year before was caught on camera after a prior video uploaded to YouTube made her an object of public degradation.  What one can do on a computer screen gets fairly maxed out - Skype, Facebook, Spotify, YouTube and Instagram.  Tumblr and Twitter are absent and YouTube seems an odd place to display an apparent sex tape (perhaps any popular adult site would have garnered a more restrictive rating).  The most questionable moment is when a black-and-white YouTube video of Laura Barns holding up cards to the camera evokes a real life case.  The film stays on the computer screen for almost the entire film and, barring the odd ominous hum to let the audience know when its getting suspenseful, any music used is diegetic.  Expect quite a few songs to have "Unfriended sent me here"-type comments on their YouTube page.

Most of the characters aren't particularly emotionally investing but the pulse-raising suspense will be good for the heart in the safe space of a cinema.  Alternatively, it might be suitable to watch on full-screen on a home computer in the dark.  By yourself.

Film: Two By Two (2014)

A take on the story of Noah's Ark that seems less taken from the biblical text than picture book paraphrases of said text.  It takes an Ice Age-esque premise of throwing cartoon animals into an apocalyptic scenario with some slapstick along the way as well as some modernizing humour not dissimilar from the sort seen in The Flintstones and perhaps more appropriately in Veggie Tales - there are no Ninevites slapping each other with fish but the ark does employ a lion as it's captain (humans are mentioned but remain offscreen) and a monkey as a butler (one of the highlights).  It's no more offensive than the already inoffensive interpretation seen in Noah (2014) and can serve as a diversion for kiddywinks while preparing Sunday dinner.  They might well be amused or weirded out by the surreal sight of an unconscious lion being strung up and used as a puppet as well as a slug-like monster with a big gaping mouth who at first appears to be a talking hill.

TV: 'Thunderbirds Are Go' - 'Fireflash'

It perhaps says something when you have to start crediting the creators of the original series for the basis of your script.  The episode - the best so far - mashes up original pilot Trapped In The Sky and its sequel Operation Crash Dive, with reference to Alias Mr Hackenbacker (that episode only hinted they were going to land in the desert) and the 1966 Thunderbirds Are Go feature film (someone whom the Hood is disguised as is found in storage).  Speaking of the Hood, this brings his disguising up-to-date by replacing masks with holographic technology.  There is also an interesting twist on the Elevator Car climax to Trapped In The Sky (played out in a near Star Trek Into Darkness-ish homage with the score taking its cue from Barry Gray) in that the rescue attempt fails and it looks as though the new Tin Tin is willing to basically end up killing everyone in order to... save the day.  Despite the miniaturisation problems and the set design still looking like a cheap parody as opposed to the real thing, this is the most mature this remake has been yet.

TV: Thunderbirds Are Go - 'Space Race'

Putting this turbocharged rebranding of 'Thunderbirds' on a Saturday morning at 8am seems like a sensible idea, but ITV showed how much they actually cared by starting it on two minutes early.  Anyone coming late might well have missed the pre-title sequence but those fortunate enough to tune in beforehand would have found Alan Tracy piloting Thunderbird 3 - the once seemingly massive rocket of uncertain colour (was it red or was it orange? Now it's definitively red) now reduced to the aesthetic and maneuverability of a Micro Machine - in space, where he happens upon a space mine left over from the "global conflict" of 2040 (yeah, because 6-11 year olds aren't allowed to know about World Wars 1 and 2).  The mine activates and chases TB3 around with a countdown to detonation and Alan has to wait while Lady Penelope and Parker (along with Lady P's pet pug, Sherbert) have to infiltrate an underground facility to retrieve the deactivation code.  Sounds like several redrafts from Move And You're Dead.  Oh, and Alan now has a space-surf board - might as well give him an oxygen pill instead of a space suit and be done with it.

More digestible than the double-length debut, this shows little sign of improvement (John Tracy - ironically - is the least annoying thing in it) but one can only complain that it's less mature than the 2005 remake of Captain Scarlet as that show's original was darker and took itself more seriously than the original Thunderbirds.  The CGI characters here though does look cheaper but while it's not entirely awful, the fact that the cast can now walk - and Parker can now perform some videogame stunts - is not something to be proud of.  The idea that "fast = good" and "retroactively old = old" is a baffling one and the plot described earlier is pretty much all that happens and it's over before you know it.  What is also curious is the idea that this reboot be aimed at a specific age group, whereas - correct me if I'm wrong here - Anderson aimed for a family audience and not just children.  It's fairly innocuous stuff.

TV: 'Thunderbirds Are Go': "Ring Of Fire"

 

 

In an era in which popular children's programmes from the last century are now being recreated for the digital age courtesy of CGI - Noddy, Thomas The Tank Engine & Friends, and soon The Wombles - Thunderbirds Are Go is the latest reboot of a cult Science Fiction franchise to have been revived and in the process potentially leaving a bad taste in the mouths of certain sections of the originals' fans.  Whovians and Trekkies can complain that the Doctor Who continuation and JJ Abrams' Star Trek rewrite is too fast paced and the Star Wars prequels might well have reduced the apparently sacred SF saga to a "jumped-up fireworks display of a toy advert".  These claims can be made against this latest do-over.  Arriving ten years after Gerry Anderson's own CGI remake of Captain Scarlet was shafted by ITV scheduling and put in Saturday morning's Ministry Of Mayhem (which, as one forum user at the time said, would be like the BBC putting Doctor Who in Dick n' Dom inda Bungalow), this Thunderbirds has been given near the same attention given Who's return in 2005 but denied to Scarlet.

The highest praise that Gerry Anderson's indestructible 1965-1966 original could possibly received came when Lew Grade interrupted a screening of the half-hour pilot Trapped In The Sky and declared "Gerry, this isn't a television series! This is a feature film!" and subsequently, the serial running time was bumped up to fifty minutes.  The absolute worst thing that can be said about Thunderbirds Are Go is that it wouldn't look out of place on Ministry Of Mayhem.  It's next episode has also been scheduled for 8am on a Saturday.  Rather than resembling a feature film and being plotted with something that might resemble a story (besides a partial remake of the original's Lord Parker's 'Oliday), this shows' editing suggested that some snorting of sugary substances and injecting of Red Bull had been taking place behind the scenes, tailoring the programme for kids that apparently can't sit still.  Things happen very, very fast and you don't remember nor indeed really care most of the time what was just said (a lot of it is technobabble now).  Besides the use of the iconic march in what passes for a title sequence (they might as well have used the Busted song instead), the score is less Barry Gray and more Murray Gold, except that Gold's work at least has its fans.  The model work barely registers and in some cases resembles both a model railway (insert tabloidy "more Island of Sodor than Tracy Island" gag here though the actual island was okay-ish) and a Playmobil set.  The CGI Thunderbird 2 appears - ironically - light-weight.  Gone also from the narrative is, somewhat depressingly, Jeff Tracy, thanks to an apparent act of the Hood (seemingly now fused with his Thunderbird 6 doppleganger, the Black Phantom) but Peter Dyneley's voice-over countdown is brought back from beyond the grave for both the titles and the launch sequences.  All of them.  Never would any fan have thought that one day they'd be asking Jeff Tracy to STFU.  Plus, Thunderbirds 1 and 2's launch sequences are shown twice in this double-length episode.

That is not to say that there isn't any innovation or vague interest.  The tele-video screens with which the characters used to communicate are now replaced by holograms (the date is now firmly stated out loud as being in 2060) and John Tracy now floats around the orbital Thunderbird 5 looking at a great big holographic globe rather than stand around waiting for the tape reels to start recording.  A couple of elements lifted from the ill-fated 2004 live-action movie (please Hollywood, it's not too late for a cinematic reboot) are FAB1 taking off into the air (originally it only happened in a dream sequence) and the subject being brought up of Tin Tin's (now Kayo's) family tie to arch villain the Hood who, Capaldian eyebrows aside, is now not the least bit scary and is now more clearly known to International Rescue than he had been previously.  The idea of "Kayo's" [mother?] coming in to save her with a small army also raises some interest, as do the references to "Global Defence" and the connections the Tracys have with it and the "World Council".  In the end, "Kayo" is awarded her own "Thunderbird S", the "S" standing for "shadow".  Why couldn't it have stood for "six"? 

The potential "Kayo subplot" might bring this series some merit but what it really needs is the Anderson touch.  There is no sense of authorship here and thankfully, the work of the next generation in the form of Jamie Anderson and his efforts show there might be hope for future yet.  Early on in the episode there is an amusing Stingray joke where John muses that he going to miss his favourite show.  One sympathises.

Film: The SpongeBob Movie - Sponge Out Of Water (2015)

DIRECTOR: Paul Tibbitt (also Story)
WRITERS: Glen Berger, Jonathan Aibel, Stephen Hillenburg (Story)

On paper, the plot sounds like many a draft after the finished screenplay for the 2004 feature length spinoff of the now nearly sixteen-year-old Nickelodeon cartoon.  In the former picture, Mr. Krabs was framed for the theft of King Neptune's crown and SpongeBob and starfish Patrick set off on a quest to retrieve it while arch villain and rival fast-food restaurateur Plankton took over Bikini Bottom via mind control and had an idol made in his image.  In this new film, Plankton is accused of stealing Krabs' secret formula for the popular Krabby Patty burger and while civilisation undergoes an apocalyptic makeover, SpongeBob sets off to proves Plankton's innocence and takes him along with him.  What really happened was that the formula mysteriously vanished, stolen by live-action character, pirate Burger Beard (Antonio Banderas), who is in possession of a book that helps him write out the film's narrative and thus control the diegesis.  He retrieves this book in the film's opening sequence in a kind-of Indiana Jones pastiche which sees him confront a Harryhausen-esque skeleton that out-creeps the undead crew in Pirates Of The Caribbean: The Curse Of The Black Pearl (2003).

The laughs come as soon as the BBFC card preceding the film warns the audience that the U-rated feature contains "toilet humour" (cue a scared seagull farting and then crapping itself).  Reining in the Redbull-infused kinetics of the previous feature (here all channelled into a surrealist sequence in which Plankton physically climbs into SpongeBob's psyche which draws a comparisons with Magic Roundabout spin-off Dougal And The Bluecat) , this is something of a refreshing change from the usual slew of CG animations albeit enhanced in 3D, which gives the "hand-drawn" sequences a ViewMaster effect, if only to make up for the lack of the novelty CGI employed when the principal characters end up on human shores in the film's climax.  Here, they use magic to make themselves into Avengers-style superheroes for a team-up against Burger Beard in a beach town. 

Any accompanying adults who might at times find their patience tested by the 92 minute running time will find just about enough gags (verbal and visual) to keep them as entertained as the principal audience (perhaps even more so) in the latest family film that really can be not just for the very young, joining the likes of The Lego Movie, Muppets Most Wanted (2014) and Wreck-It-Ralph (2012) to some extent.  As with Lego and (at least a couple of times) Wreck-It, the humour is nearly at Aardman level (pun ahoy!) and makes reference to both Stanley Kubrick and Douglas Adams.

Along with the customary (but otherwise televisual) "hand-drawn" segments and CG "live-action" takes on the SpongeBob cast, the film also features very good photo-realistic digital animal work, namely with Beard's "crew" of card-playing seagulls as well as Sandy Cheeks' (a talking squirrel) "live-action" form, who gets to spit nuts like a machine gun. 

Film: 'The Divergent Series: Insurgent' (2015)

Director: Robert Schwentke
Writers: Brian Duffield, Akiva Goldsman, Mark Bomback (based on the novel by Veronica Noth)

Whereas The Hunger Games film series took two sequels to get to its own Empire Strikes Back, this technically "middle chapter" of the dystopian* YA fiction with an oh-so subtle allegory about not fitting in is both darker and danker than the predecessor, opening with its own "Battle of Hoth" (or rather, Amity) which sees our heroes-in-hiding.  Meanwhile, arch-villainess Jeanine (Kate Winslet, one of whose earliest roles was as an SF heroine in the BBC serial Dark Season) is on a Vader-like hunt that sees Divergent experiment subjects (or at least one onscreen) die like force-throttled Imperial officers while occasionally, the score audibly honks with portent.  The film's climax event even takes places within shiny white corridors and there is a game-changing (but not particularly earth-shattering in this instance) revelation.  But while the honking might be comparable to an ocean liner (cf. Mark Kermode's review of Shutter Island), it's not an disaster that awaits our heroes (there is neither an iceberg nor any loss of limbs or parental plot twists), but rather the audience as the film's ethics walk off a ledge.  This is a film in which our "heroine" wants to kill the villain (wow, great role model) but then later says the killing has to stop - all the while fisticuffs are traded, noses are bloodied, people are shot, and bodies are thrown off trains (remember the gag on Family Guy about Brian supporting the death penalty to show that killing is wrong?).  There are two occasions in which those whose side we are supposedly on shoot unarmed enemy prisoners at point-blank range.  The end credits trade in Ellie Goulding for a song entitled "Blood Hands" - at least ending on "Starry Eyed" would have been funny.

*a dystopia where fugitives can still apply eyeliner and hair bleach.  Plus, Tris' haircut doesn't help any digs that this is essentially Hunger Games-lite by evoking Jennifer Lawrence's pixie do.

There is some visually interesting images, aided by the 90% useless "converted 3D", in which simulated buildings crumble apart but the panning shots are a blur (and it fails to bring any dimension whatsoever to Theo James' Four).  The virtual reality dreams from the first instalment play a bigger role here, with post-Matrix (you die in the game, you die for real), post-Inception (crumbling buildings and a surreal-twist on a realistic environment with a flying building replacing Inception's folding Paris) video game sequences that Tris has to play through (foreshadowed by real dreams).  There is even a Trial Of A Time Lord-ish concept on going into a virtual reality to combat the incarnation of your dark side, mixed with other Doctor Who "dream" story in which his self-hatred is made manifest in Amy Choice.  At least the games Katniss faced took place in the "real" world.  About two set pieces are undermined by a retro-spoilerific trailer and viewers can play a game of "guess if it's a dream or not" and score points in almost all cases.  This is also a film which seems to champion brains over brawn - the erudite (i.e. learned) Caleb is useless in the battlefield, comic relief and ultimately a [spoiler removed].  He's also one of the best-dressed characters.  Whereas Empire taught its protagonist that violence isn't fun and ended on a cliffhanger and its protagonist mutilated, this film is seemingly optimistic in its conclusion and quite a right place to end the story, despite our heroes having blood on their hands and the film having arsewipe on its morals.  Still, at least after an innocent person is mind-controlled into suicide, our very sad protagonist gets to shag her bland boyfriend.  Every cloud, eh?